Rites of Passage

I have often imagined what it would be like to be a young boy in the Masai tribe in Africa. Their rite of passage from boyhood to manhood is to go into the bush and kill a lion with a spear. I'm not sure what the stats are on this, but I'd have to guess that sometimes the lion wins. I'd hate to be the young boy that goes into the wild on my quest for recognition as a man and failing because failing this test isn't like getting too low of a score on the ACT to get into nursing school. It's your life!!


From a parent's perspective, what must this experience be like? From childhood, moms and dads know that someday they are going to have to send their son out on this mission in order for him to be an adult member of society. I would think that the life-threatening nature of this trial would be a huge motivation for dad to start prepping his son at an early age. No doubt, he would recount his own experience many times to instill bravery and familiarity. He would be trained well from the youngest of ages how to make, hold, aim, and throw a spear well enough to ensure that he would come home from his foray into the lion's world.



Most cultures throughout antiquity have had rites of passage of some sort that give young men (and in some cases women) permission to call themselves men. It also served as a signal that they were free to make their own decisions, take a wife, and start a family.



What happened to these rites in our culture? I don't think that we should send our sons into the wild to survive attacks from wild beasts because it has no relevance to our culture. The young masai boy has to learn how to kill to protect and provide for his family. A young boy in the African bush can't survive and provide for his family without having this skill. But I do think that some type of rite is VERY important for several reasons.



While there aren't literal lions out there that will destroy our children (well maybe mountain lions JC), there are dangers-o-plenty and there are many skills that are essential for survival. In a life of ease, it's ironically much more difficult to define what these skills are.



Another reason that rites are very important is because in the absence of a defined rite, kids will create their own. In our culture, the rite that is embraced by most "kids" is sexual activity. Once a kid starts being sexually active a mental and physical switch takes place. Young men achieve their first sexual conquest and they give themselves a certificate of manhood. Of course, there are other things like getting high etc. that sometimes fit into this scheme as well. Also, a good vehicle is a means to these ends.



There is nothing much more useless than a boy that has prematurely labeled himself as a man. Hen stuff on a pump handle comes to mind. But, can we fault them for it in the absence of a clearly defined rite of passage for them to cling to? Most children will conform to the system that is laid out for them without much fuss at all if it is a holistic plan that starts at birth and is embraced by the community in which they live.



I believe (even though I'm still not sure what it should look like) that a rite of passage is desperately needed and I believe that the church needs to define what it is for a Christian young man/woman. What should it look like? Catechisms, baptism, confirmations, etc.. have been a part of the faith for some time, but they've lost their importance along the way, I think.



What should a rite of passage look like in the American Christian family of our age? What should a young boy know and be able to do before he earns the rite to call himself a man? Same for girls, I suppose. Even though rites of passage for girls isn't common that I know of, I think it's equally important that they have a defined criteria of what it means to be a woman and no longer a girl.



I'd love to know what others think about this issue...

First Degree Spanking

Well, Jay got his first note home from the teacher on Wednesday of this week. He was talking in class after multiple warnings and he wouldn't stay in his seat during lunch. I got a phone call from Sondra around 2pm delivering the bad news. Our immediate thought was that we were going to spank him for his bad behavior. So, for the first time in my parenting life, I was faced with the opportunity to think about having to give a spanking for several hours before the spanking was to actually occur. TORTURE!!! I was disappointed with Jay for his behavior, but not angry. Tons of questions... What actually happened? Did the teacher really do all she could to maintain an orderly classroom that aids students in behaving properly? (as a teacher, I know that 'some' responsibility falls into the teacher's hands for the proper behavior of students) Is this the first of many offenses, or just one isolated occurence?

Jay fessed up to his bad behavior (not that there was any chance I would take his word over Mrs Jones who is a friend of our family). I had him grab the spanking spoon from its place and we headed upstairs... Sondra and I had already decided after a brief face-to-face conference that spanking wasn't warranted in this case and I was certainly relieved, but the presence of the spoon seemed to be an effective attention getting device. Jay lost some priviledges that he loves dearly and was warned that he would lose more priviledges if he repeated these behaviors. So far, he has responded well and is really keen on regaining his losses.

I learned several things through this... First Degree (premeditated) spankings are much more difficult to dole out than the heat of the moment Second degree kind. Ironically, I think the premeditated method may be the best way. Another thing that I learned is that this parenting thing never seems to get any easier. Every turn in life opens up new opportunities for learning how to relate to our kids and discipline them properly. The third thing is that I really miss playing Wii with Jay. Next time, I'll ground him from something I don't enjoy as much as he does:)